FetLife Review: Where Kinks and Social Media Intersect

Imagine a version of Facebook just for people to show off their kinky sexual side. That would be awesome, right?

That’s what FetLife’s founders aimed for when they created the website back in 2008 – and it’s fair to say they’ve done a great job.

FetLife isn’t as popular as Facebook, but it does have millions of ‘kinksters’ around the world. This is the nickname given to FetLife users, and most of them are kinky as hell. Better yet, the website is free to access!

Below, we’ll explore what you can expect from FetLife, including the technology that makes it an awesome and safe place to show off your kinky side.

Can You Find A Hook-Up On FetLife?

fetlife homepage screenshot
Screenshot taken from FetLife.com

FetLife is not marketed as a dating website, so your hunt for a hook-up on this website may frustrate you.

Some users are open to meeting other kinksters. Some are not. Many are looking for a very specific type of person to satisfy their fetishes.

With that said, there are a number of features that could make finding someone easier.

For starters, it’s worth reiterating just how big FetLife is. When I tested it, there were more than 36,000 kinksters in Columbus. That’s a small army of sex-positive citizens in a mid-sized American city. The larger cities had even more users, and FetLife allows you to search in whatever region you please.

There are many online groups based on various kinks that you can join within FetLife. This should make it easier if you’re seeking a partner for a specific type of playtime.

There are also many events organised for FetLife members to meet up. These are called ‘munches’. You can click the Events tab on the website to see if any are planned near you. If you’re based in a major city, the odds are in your favor.

To test out FetLife, I created a vanilla profile for a man based in Columbus. I messaged 50 women in the city and received 30 replies. That’s a far higher response rate than the same profile gets on traditional dating apps.

However, after trying to escalate these conversations towards meeting in the real world, only four women agreed to swap contact details. This is much lower than on traditional dating apps, and that’s particularly disappointing given the high number of initial responses.

I’d get a lot of blunt rejections too. A handful of women told me “FetLife is NOT a dating website”, while several others said they’re not looking for “someone like me.” These women typically had detailed descriptions of the type of kinks they were looking for in their bios.

Most women add a lot of detail to their bios explaining what they want from the website. But a lot of them mention they’re only looking for people to send them money or subscribe to their OnlyFans.

My conclusion is it’s possible to hook up with someone from FetLife, but not as easy as you may think.

FetLife Has All The Saucy Content You Could Ever Desire

If you’re into making or consuming amateur porn, FetLife has more content than you could ever need.

Similarly to Facebook, you can add friends, post photos and videos and make status updates. The key difference between the two websites is there are no filters on adult content here.

And FetLife members aren’t shy about uploading it. The whole purpose of the website is to show off your kinky side.

Upon registering for FetLife, you’ll be asked to choose a username and asked some basic details about you and your sexual desires.

The website will suggest some users you might want to add as friends based on this information – and your friends’ updates will appear on the website’s main dashboard. Make sure not to use it at work, as they’re almost guaranteed to be X-rated.

You can leave comments on these or perhaps you’ll choose to slide in their DMs. Essentially, FetLife gives you everything you can expect from a pornographic social media website.

FetLife Does All it Can to Keep You Safe

I have never encountered any bots, catfishes or scammers on FetLife, and I’d put that largely down to the website’s verification process.

While it’s not compulsory to verify your profile, FetLife offers a lot of tempting bonuses for people who do.

Verified users will appear higher in FetLife search results and their content will be eligible to appear in ‘Trending’ lists. They’ll also have their limits on messaging removed. Instead of only being allowed to message seven users every few hours, you can connect with as many users as you see fit.

You can get verified by uploading a photo of yourself holding your Government ID, or one of you copying the pose you see on the verification screen.

FetLife does a great job of protecting its users’ privacy too. You can choose where your content does and does not appear. Perhaps you only want those in your Friends list to see it. Maybe you don’t want it appearing in search results or on ‘Trending’ lists. Maybe you don’t want anyone on FetLife to know your hometown. All of these options are available at the click of a button.

You’ll Get Even More if You Support FetLife for $5 Per Month

It’s pretty remarkable that FetLife is free when you consider how much adult content is uploaded (and the fact that you can connect directly with the creators).

Just like the major porn websites, FetLife allows you to access even more for a small monthly subscription.

For $5 a month, you can become a FetLife supporter to access upcoming features, extra Trending lists and added customisations. You’ll also have unlimited access to ALL content on FetLife (although it’s unclear what content isn’t available for free users).

There’s no FetLife app on the Apple or Google Play stores, since neither allows adult content. However, there is a “Progressive Web App” available to download from fetlife.com. This app uses the same code as the FetLife website, but allows you to receive push notifications.

Most Other Reviewers Agree on FetLife

The majority of reviewers conclude that you’ll probably enjoy FetLife once you understand what it is and set realistic expectations.

FetLife, reminiscent of early 2010s design, is more than just a dating site. 

Admired by AskMen, Dating Scout, and DateZie, it stands out as a haven for individuals to express their deepest desires without judgment. 

It's a unique platform where users can genuinely be themselves, exploring and sharing their sexual fantasies while connecting with like-minded individuals. Combining elements of both social media and dating, FetLife offers a distinctive experience for those in the kinky community.

If You’re Looking for a Quick and Easy Hook-Up, I’d Still Recommend Adult Friend Finder

As fun as FetLife is, Adult Friend Finder offers everything it has and more.

Adult friend finder banner
Screenshot taken from AdultFriendFinder.com

The biggest difference between the two websites is that AFF markets itself as a hook-up website.

The main purpose of it is to find someone to meet in the real world, so you’re less likely to get as much resistance in the DMs as I received on FetLife.

Adult Friend Finder is also set up like a social media website. You can add friends, view and comment on updates and post your own. Pornographic updates are the norm here as well.

Kinky users are everywhere you look. Plus, it’s actually easier to find them using AFF’s detailed search engine, which allows you to filter by kinks and fetishes.

Still, the most enjoyable perk is the willingness of the AFF community to meet and hook up with you.

I’ve tested the website in several parts of the world – and it has never been difficult for me to find a casual partner. It’s not just kinky BDSM-obsessed women either. There are plenty of regular ladies who are just looking for a good time with no strings attached.

Adult Friend Finder is currently running a free trial, so there’s no better time to see for yourself how effective this website is.

I’ve Got No Bad Words to Say About FetLife

FetLife is a free website, so it’s tough to criticize.

From the conversations I’ve had on this platform, it’s clear that many users LOVE interacting with fellow kinksters here.

The A-grade safety and privacy features make it a great place to discuss their sex lives without shame or fear of offending someone. From the size of the user base, it’s clear there’s a high demand for such a service.

If you’re a kinky fellow, go ahead and create your profile now. You’ll probably be inspired by the wild content. Making online friendships is very easy here too.

Maybe you’ll meet up with someone you found on FetLife. Maybe not. Either way, you’re likely to have a great time on this website.

Photo of author
Joe Elvin
Joe Elvin is a dating and relationships writer with a background in tech journalism. His sex toy reviews are based on real experiences with his ravenous partners.